Trigger warning: Suicide
I’m Sophia, the founder, creator and host of The Mindwholeness Podcast. I feel the need to speak on what this movement is about and tell you a little about me and my history.
I am constantly digging deep into the human experience of mental health issues and initiating a healing process by exploring mindfulness.
I, myself, have a history with mental illness. Now, I use that word “illness” not as a call for pity or to induce shame but to remind myself that I, in fact, have a disease and need to treat it as such. If I need to call out sick from work because I can’t get out of bed, THAT IS OKAY! We need to be gentle with ourselves. We need to remember that sometimes we can’t completely control the chemicals in our brains yet, we can take steps towards finding tools to help us cope in a healthier way. The “illness” aspect does NOT mean that recovery isn’t possible. When I say “recovery”, I don’t mean cured. This isn’t always possible for most mental health issues and guess what? That’s okay. We can still live fulfilling lives.
I am not a therapist, expert or anything of the sort. I’m just a human who has struggled. I want to share this to bring us closer together. I can’t save anyone’s life. I’m not a knight in shining armor but I’m hoping these dialogues will inspire people to be proactive about their healing and hopefully want to stay on this earth a little(much) longer.
Tiny bit about me: I was born and raised in Burbank, California- in Los Angeles County. I’m really close to my family. I am beyond blessed. I did have a family member who struggled with extreme mental health issues and it affected my childhood heavily. This was the first appearance of mental illness in my life, as I grew older, I found, I too, have mental health issues. Confronting this fact was not easy AT ALL. So, don’t feel weak or ashamed if you’re having trouble reaching out. The first step, as you’ve heard many times before, is admitting it to yourself. You’re not defective due to this fact.
Fast forward- I started having panic attacks in high school and then, quite suddenly, in my senior year of high school, my best friend died. This was a traumatic turning point in my life. Scientifically, some of us have a pre-disposition for mental health issues and trauma can trigger the manifestation of these issues. When Sam died, Bipolar disorder and alcoholism/addiction showed up. I was out of my body-completely out of touch with reality. Night terrors, extreme depression, suicidal ideation, disassociation, angry/sad mood swings, couldn’t get out of bed. Started drinking heavily and using drugs. My life was, needless to say, a mess.
This experience started a 7 year sprint of depression without any breaks. I attempted suicide while I was brown out drunk. I parked my car in the middle lane on the freeway and prayed to God a car would hit me going 80mph. My using became more constant and by the 7th year, I was pretty much always f****** up. Couldn’t shower, interact with people, eat, or do anything else without being utterly loaded.
I learned so much about life and myself through my young adulthood. All of that pain has made me into this strong, empowered woman I am today.
One great thing came out of that phase in my life. Well, two actually. I got my degree in social justice theater. For my thesis project, I interviewed 30 people with mental health issues and created, co-wrote and directed a play about their struggles. It was filmed. I’ll put the link at the bottom. It was so powerful and created a community of support.
The second incredible thing that came out of all of this was, I got sober and now I can confidently say, I am the happiest, healthiest I have ever been in my entire life. I am finally identifying and healing all the shit I was running from. Trauma, ego, flaws, pain I caused myself and other people. Like, holy shit people, I am a different human.
Bottom line, no matter what you have been through, there is hope for healing. I’m not saying it’s easy; nor am I trying to invalidate your pain. I’m just saying, you are absolutely not alone and this movement is about recognizing that and healing.
I really, truly love each and everyone of you and everyday I am practicing and moving towards loving Myself.
Try this affirmation today: “ I, (full name), love and accept myself unconditionally, now and forever